Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Spinal Muscular Atrophy

That is what my sweet baby precious baby boy has. Thankfully he only has type 3 which means that he will only be delayed in motor skills and growth spurts between now and his teenage years may be more painful for him. When I asked the dr what causes SMA she told me that in MOST cases it is genetic...but she didnt believe that to be the case for Kason. When they did the blood test he was only considered "borderline" she believes that his was caused by Stress during pregnancy. She said it's extremely rare for that to happen new studies are coming out that it is a possible cause of SMA. When I told her how much stress I had while pregnant she seemed even more confident that that was the case. Just in case she pulled some blood from me to see if I have any signs of it.

I feel so hurt...as soon as I got a diagnosis for him I just felt like a ton of brick hit me. I was ok before I knew what it was. Then lets add insult to injury the entire reason I was stressed during my pregnancy was because of my so called "parents" who took advantage of my emotions a sad, scared, soon to be single mother, who emotions were already crazy enough from pregnancy. They ripped me to shreds...said things to me NO child should ever have to hear from their parents. They are HURT my baby. They hurt him while they were emotionally abusing me. I am hurt, sad, confused but most of all angery! Beyond angery. Not just with them tho...but with myself I should have cut them loose at the first sign of trouble. I should have just walked away...but because of my selfish desire to have good normal parents I didnt. I kept trying to make things work...even tho I was thrown insult after insult. I sent my final email to them yesterday. I told them that they will NEVER see me again NOR will they ever meet MY SON. I just cant deal with them anymore...it's one thing to hurt me...but then to hurt my baby to! UNACCEPTABLE...UNFORGIVABLE!

I am strong we can make it through this, I know that for a fact! But I HATE knowing that my baby is ALWAYS going to have a disease that could have been easily avoided. A disease that made him delayed in his motor skills a disease that may cause him pain while having a growth spur. I hate seeing him in pain! I wish I could just take it away and let him be a normal happy toddler! I wish I could turn back time and tell my parents to get lost sooner than when I did. But I cant...and it sucks! I just wish so badly that I had someone here with me...going thru all of this with me...someone to cry with me or at least give me their shoulder so I could cry on them. But I dont...im going through this alone. :(

I love this little boy with every piece of me...we will make it through this we (well I) just need lots of prayers.

No comments:

Post a Comment