Spinal Muscular Atrophy

That is what my sweet baby precious baby boy has. Thankfully he only has type 3 which means that he will only be delayed in motor skills and growth spurts between now and his teenage years may be more painful for him. When I asked the dr what causes SMA she told me that in MOST cases it is genetic...but she didnt believe that to be the case for Kason. When they did the blood test he was only considered "borderline" she believes that his was caused by Stress during pregnancy. She said it's extremely rare for that to happen new studies are coming out that it is a possible cause of SMA. When I told her how much stress I had while pregnant she seemed even more confident that that was the case. Just in case she pulled some blood from me to see if I have any signs of it.

I feel so hurt...as soon as I got a diagnosis for him I just felt like a ton of brick hit me. I was ok before I knew what it was. Then lets add insult to injury the entire reason I was stressed during my pregnancy was because of my so called "parents" who took advantage of my emotions a sad, scared, soon to be single mother, who emotions were already crazy enough from pregnancy. They ripped me to shreds...said things to me NO child should ever have to hear from their parents. They are HURT my baby. They hurt him while they were emotionally abusing me. I am hurt, sad, confused but most of all angery! Beyond angery. Not just with them tho...but with myself I should have cut them loose at the first sign of trouble. I should have just walked away...but because of my selfish desire to have good normal parents I didnt. I kept trying to make things work...even tho I was thrown insult after insult. I sent my final email to them yesterday. I told them that they will NEVER see me again NOR will they ever meet MY SON. I just cant deal with them anymore...it's one thing to hurt me...but then to hurt my baby to! UNACCEPTABLE...UNFORGIVABLE!

I am strong we can make it through this, I know that for a fact! But I HATE knowing that my baby is ALWAYS going to have a disease that could have been easily avoided. A disease that made him delayed in his motor skills a disease that may cause him pain while having a growth spur. I hate seeing him in pain! I wish I could just take it away and let him be a normal happy toddler! I wish I could turn back time and tell my parents to get lost sooner than when I did. But I cant...and it sucks! I just wish so badly that I had someone here with me...going thru all of this with me...someone to cry with me or at least give me their shoulder so I could cry on them. But I dont...im going through this alone. :(

I love this little boy with every piece of me...we will make it through this we (well I) just need lots of prayers.

My sweet boy is 18 months

My oh my how it has flown by. I love this little boy with my entire heart. Only 6 more months till this precious little guy is 2.

All the above Photos where taken by Amanda Lowe Feasler Photography.

And these photos were take by Close to Home Photography

Yes Im totally addicted to getting pictures take of him. But that little face loves the camera! He is the greatest baby I could have ever asked for. <3

If its not one thing Its another...

UGH! Kason has been struggeling with this Awful diaper rash for a little over a month now. I thought nothing of it when it first appeared...hey it was just a diaper rash, right?! Wrong Oh so Wrong...after applying every diaper rash cream out there and giving him oatmeals baths even we ended up having to go to the ER 2 weeks ago because it got to the point where my poor baby boy couldnt even sit on his bottom. :( We got some ointment and its gotten better but its not gone, it REFUSES to go. We had our one millioneth Dr's apt today got some antibiotics and we are going to be carefully watching it for 10 days and if its still not better off to dermatology we go!

Tomorow we get to travel to Samsung Hospital because I have previously mentioned Kason has been delayed with his motor skills. Well he had some blood tests and we learned that he has Weak Musceles. So that explains A LOT. Its nothing im overly concerened about now that I know the reason he has been delayed...mommy gut was telling me something was up though and im glad I got a Dr to listen to it. He is walking all over the place...the one thing he cant do is squat or just sit in the middle of the room and stand...he has to actually crawl to something and pull up...not normal for a nearly 18 month old. So hopefully the Neuoroligist can help...apparently the Dr we are seeing is one of the best in Korea, so I feel somewhat realived...I just hate traveling around to off post hospitals...thank god for Taxi's and I surely hope this hospital isnt all that confusing. 

In other news...

Im getting Surgery July 1st. What am I getting you may ask? I am getting a breast reduction/lift. Something I have wanted since I got boobs. I honestly dont remember ever having "small" boobs. I remember waking up one day and having a HUGE chest. lol But not only were they huge they sagged...I was made fun of in middle/high school because of it. It was always hard to find bra's that fit me right and would support me, I spent most of the time in Sports Bras which really limit what you can wear. They got smaller after all of my Army Training but they sagged a lot more. For as long as I can remember I have had back pain and neck pain...but I just kinda sucked it up and moved on....I honestly didnt know till about a year ago that a big chest could cause those problems. Sure I had some friends who were so jealous of my big "ladies" but truth be told I would almost rather have NO chest than to have the one I have....I have always been so self consious because of it...and then after Kason they got even BIGGER. So anyways I met with the plastic surgeon yesterday for my consult and we booked the actual surgery date. I have never had surgery before so I am nervous but Im super anxious to see the results...I decided to go down to a B cup that way whenever I do have more babies if they get bigger again I can deal with a C better or even (maybe) a D. Im so excited that when I was at the PX the other day I saw a really cute Bra that of course even if they had them in E or DD wouldnt support me so I decided to buy it as my FIRST after surgery/healing Bra to wear. lol

Now the only thing that sucks about this whole this is Korean Hospitals (which is were I will be getting the surgery, not on base) seem to like to keep people in the hospital just because. SO even tho this would be a same day surgery anywhere else here they want to keep in for 10 days! The only reason I can think of for them keeping me that long is because I am an American and they charge an extra 2.5% on everything and they know that Im not paying a dime for it...the Army is. I would hate to see what the bill looks like when TRICARE gets it. lol 13,000,000 Won (around 13,000) bucks JUST for the surgery...not including the 10 day hospital stay. And this is a Pretty fancy Hospital to. I hope that I have a quick and fast recovery tho and can convince them to let me leave sooner than 10 days. IDK if I can be away from my baby for that long...plus the 4th of July...I cant miss the fireworks! lol

Well I suppose this is all the updates I have for now. Until then...enjoy these super cute pics of my boo boo that we had done on Saturday. More to come at a later date. :)

Yes he is pouting but isnt that the cutest pout ever!